What Do We Think Trump Will Do With His Time While He's Locked Out of Social Media?

It took a riot in the Capitol, but Donald Trump has been temporarily banished from the various social media platforms that have enabled his presidency—Facebook and Instagram for 24 hours, and Twitter for 12 hours.

“We have required the removal of three @realDonaldTrump Tweets that were posted earlier today for repeated and severe violations of our Civic Integrity Policy,” Twitter…tweeted. “This means that the account of @realDonaldTrump will be locked for 12 hours following the removal of these Tweets. If the Tweets are not removed, the account will remain locked.”

Deprived of his platform, what do we suppose Donald Trump is doing with himself? Some suggestions, not including ranting on Parler:

– Tweeting under his alternate handle, @MikePenceIsaLoserSad

– Rewatching his favorite porn, The Apprentice

– Writing his tweets out on paper, throwing them at the window

– Impulse buying McDonald’s franchises

– Calling Putin, letting it ring once, hanging up, calling again

– Sitting in his race car bed, making beep beep sounds

– Trying to remember his daughter’s name, no not the hot one, the other one

-Stroking his flaxen wig

-Pondering his walk-in merkin closet

-Checking out the latest covid numbers for the first time in months, shrugging

-Watching CNN, occasionally delivering a swift kick to Rudy Giuliani, who is curled up at his feet