In the days following Paris Hilton’s extensive and dubiously documented engagement to some guy now primarily known for giving her a $2 million engagement ring (previously for his role in HBO’s The Leftovers), Chris Zylka has mysteriously spent the week running the gauntlet of public shame. Here is a well-circulated video of a bewildered Chris Zylka on the curb of LAX saying “might not wanna leave me…” after Paris deliberately rides away solo in her SUV. Her new best friend is diamonds. He even tattooed her name on his arm and everything. Why.
And now here is the Observer who, for undisclosed reasons, have a serious axe to grind with Chris Zylka, whom we should all HATE. (Theory: Paris made them wait in line for hours for her fashion week party, which they HATE.) From their description of Zylka, emphasis mine:
He also had blink and you’ll miss it parts on the poorly named Cougar Town, the 90210 reboot and Hannah Montana. Or you could recognize him from his movie career, which includes the classic Piranha 3DD (worthy of a 14 percent on Rotten Tomatoes) or his first film, The People I’ve Slept With (it earned a more respectable 27 percent), where he played “Mr. Hottie.”
There are even collateral takedowns of his former fiancée and model Hanna Beth Merjos, a “former MySpace scene queen” who was best friends with a “post-rehab” Demi Lovato.
Anyway, here is some trivia we came for:
- How many times the median American annual income the ring costs: 33
- How much the ring costs in number of AIDS patients who could potentially be treated for all of 2018: 26,666
- Hot/not?: Beauty is subjective. (Yes).
- Chris Zylka’s worth before Paris Hilton: $4 million*
- Chris Zylka’s net worth after Paris Hilton: $2 million*
- Paris Hilton’s adjusted net worth after Chris Zylka: $302 million*
- The factor of instances by which he has played Joey Donner in a televised version of 10 Things I Hate About You more than you have: Infinity plus one
*Gossip figures
Meghan Trainor’s fiancé Daryl Sabara wanted to surprise propose to her, but not before she first ensured that there would be no substandard garbage engagement ring, she tells ET Online:
“That was the secret,” she revealed. “But I just wanted to make it perfect, just in case, you know?”
“It’s like, ‘Just so you know, this one is my favorite.’ And he was like, ‘But let me have my moment to surprise you.’ And he took his time and had his moment,” she explained.
That was nice of her.
Ricky Martin’s Vegas show looks fucking insane.
- Remarkable that it’s remarkable in 2018 that an actor (Laura Dern) gets to work with a female-centric cast on a show that passes the Bechdel Test. [People]
- Okay, now I’ll watch Revenge Body: Khloe says the Kardashians fat-shamed her because she was “hurting the brand.” Get revenge, Khloe! [People]
- Another custody battle bargained over with spousal support: Morena Baccarin, best known for Homeland and Deadpool, agrees to pay her ex-husband $5,000 a month in exchange for his move to New York and joint custody of their son. [Page Six]