What Could Be Sexier Than a Sex Schedule?

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

As with all things fun and joyful, sex is apparently something you can’t just do whenever.

On Tuesday, certified sexuality counselor Ian Kerner wrote a long essay for CNN on the benefits of scheduling every hump in your life, suggesting that for New Year’s, sexually active adults should write “get fucked” in their bullet journals. Kerner argues that you should treat desire as a trait rather than a state of being. It’s not something you have innately, it’s something you gotta get yourself worked up to feel, especially if you’re burdened with chores, employment, and the thing that sometimes comes from of intercourse: children.

This is a reasonable argument that is also, unfortunately, extremely unsexy. Kerner suggests that long term couples stop waiting for the sex to just happen and set aside fifteen minutes a few times a week to try and turn on your exhausted partner. The mechanical dreariness of that is underlined by an extended car metaphor:

Think of your sexual brain as a car. The first part of the model, the sexual excitation system (SES) is like the gas pedal for your sexuality.


I’m sorry to tell you that it goes on like this for a good long while to conclude:

That makes arousal a two-part process that requires providing stimulation for the SES and removing any that might trigger the SIS.

What? Sounds boring. Kerner gives some suggestions on how to start your SES and stop your SIS (that is, your “sexual inhibition system”): watch porn after making your mate do the dishes, for example. But turning sex into a chore makes it a real boner killer in this blogger’s opinion. On the other hand, New Year’s resolutions are all about building new and better habits. Might be easier to get into an orgasm routine than it is to go to the gym.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`



I totally see your POV, Aimée. And this is an easy subject to make fun of.

With that said, my wife and I recently discussed doing something like this. While we don’t have children, we work nonstop and are freaking exhausted at the EOTD. It can be difficult to turn it on at all after you’ve both been working 12 hours and are usually starving upon getting home. It just sort of sucks. We have sex on the weekends. But sex shouldn’t just be a weekend event.

So, we’re thinking about scheduling a week day where we commit to trying to have sex. Leave work early, etc. I know it sounds unsexy, but we really do think it could have a big impact throughout the week, plus on the weekends (we feel pressure to have sex on weekends as we’re not on the week days).

Just throwing it out there as something some people do or are considering! To the folks that can go HAM without - and have time to deliver - kudos to you!