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As with all things fun and joyful, sex is apparently something you can’t just do whenever.

On Tuesday, certified sexuality counselor Ian Kerner wrote a long essay for CNN on the benefits of scheduling every hump in your life, suggesting that for New Year’s, sexually active adults should write “get fucked” in their bullet journals. Kerner argues that you should treat desire as a trait rather than a state of being. It’s not something you have innately, it’s something you gotta get yourself worked up to feel, especially if you’re burdened with chores, employment, and the thing that sometimes comes from of intercourse: children.


This is a reasonable argument that is also, unfortunately, extremely unsexy. Kerner suggests that long term couples stop waiting for the sex to just happen and set aside fifteen minutes a few times a week to try and turn on your exhausted partner. The mechanical dreariness of that is underlined by an extended car metaphor:

Think of your sexual brain as a car. The first part of the model, the sexual excitation system (SES) is like the gas pedal for your sexuality.


I’m sorry to tell you that it goes on like this for a good long while to conclude:

That makes arousal a two-part process that requires providing stimulation for the SES and removing any that might trigger the SIS.


What? Sounds boring. Kerner gives some suggestions on how to start your SES and stop your SIS (that is, your “sexual inhibition system”): watch porn after making your mate do the dishes, for example. But turning sex into a chore makes it a real boner killer in this blogger’s opinion. On the other hand, New Year’s resolutions are all about building new and better habits. Might be easier to get into an orgasm routine than it is to go to the gym.