Weeks worth of toiling and thousands of votes, and it’s down to this: the moment of Great Reveal. You’ve chosen which audio blight deserves the title of Worst Christmas Song of All Time! And, the winner is…
The Christmas Shoes
I knew you wouldn’t let me down. This song is a zit on the nape of Christmas’s neck. Singing this loud for all to hear is the worst way to spread Christmas cheer. It is to the holidays what bloody nipples are to running a marathon. It would have been better off pursuing its dream of being a dentist. It’s what the French call, “les incompetents.” It’s one of the shiny aluminum trees that horrified Charlie Brown. It singlehandedly drove Rob Lowe to remind us that he’s a former child star by playing Drew Peterson in a Lifetime Original Film wherein he’s required to say “I’m untouchable, bitch!” with a straight face and ride around on a motorcycle. Let’s get this song a Red Rider beebee gun so it can shoot its own eye out. Whatever the True Meaning of Christmas is, this is the opposite. Let’s never again let it join in any Reindeer Games. One more time, for posterity:
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