This is a deeply strange time to be debuting my advice column at its new home. I’m not an expert at anything useful, like public health or making your own preserves or navigating a toilet-paper based shadow economy, and since we are all staying away from each other there isn’t likely to be an abundance of opportunity for ethically dubious behavior. But if I was the sort of person known for my impeccable timing, I probably would not be writing a column called “Ask A Fuck-Up,” that used to run on The Outline and will now appear every two weeks at Jezebel.
Perhaps, like me, you have been using your impossibly long days that for some reason all feel like Tuesdays to meditate on things you might have done differently in your life, or ways you would like to change. Maybe you are stuck with an annoying roommate who has some weird habits. Maybe you want to fuck that weird roommate but aren’t sure if that’s a good idea.
Let me help, here from a safe distance. Hopefully, because you believe I can provide some manner of wisdom gained from years of making many mistakes of my own, as the premise of this column has always implied. But if not, then simply to give me something to do. I am so bored and lonely. Please write in before I decide to cut my own bangs.
Email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.