We Watched the Fifty Shades Episode of SVU So You Didn't Have To

I suppose we’re now at the point that any time any little thing happens in the world, we know that all we have to do is kick back, relax and wait for it to show up in an episode of Law & Order. And why would the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon be any different? A common woman becomes famous after writing a book of poorly written BDSM erotica that somehow manages to awaken the previously dormant sexual desires and perversities of women across the nation. Benson, get in here — this episode of SVU practically writes itself.

Last night’s SVU told the story of a young erotica writer played by Anna Chlumsky (a.k.a My Girl from My Girl) who is physically abused and sexual assaulted by a Bill Maher-ish brazen, liberal talkshow host (Roger Bart) following a promotional appearance on his show. Because the rapes (it happens more than once because, yes, while you cannot say “fuck” on primetime television, you can portray multiple assaults) echo scenes from her book, the prosecution struggles to prove that she was unwilling as opposed to taking an opportunity to act out her own sub/dom fantasies.

In the end — TWIST — it comes to light that My Girl is not even the author of the work (hilariously titled Twenty-Five Acts) and is only fronting for a well respected college professor who was too embarrassed to put her name on the book. In fact, My Girl has never had a real sub/dom fantasy in her entire life and has only ever had one boyfriend — and he was stung to death by bees.

In the end, the People come out victorious after some ballsy courtroom moves by the new pitbull of a DA Rafael Barba (played by Broadway darling Raúl Esparza). When I say ballsy, I mean that the DA actually gets the defendant to choke him with a belt — the judge allows — to prove how violent and unpredictable he is. Subtle, but it somehow got its point across to the jury.