We Did It! (Fuck and Kill)

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This was a great decade for women: that is, women who were into fucking and murdering, two excellent hobbies. According to a list published by Literary Hub, the top-selling books of this past decade were not only mostly written by women, but revolved around women protagonists and how they fuck-marry-killed their way out of all sorts of predicaments.


Here’s the top ten if you want to construct the perfect time capsule for this decade:

1. E. L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey (2011) – 15.2 million copies
2. E. L. James, Fifty Shades Darker (2011) – 10.4 million copies
3. E. L. James, Fifty Shades Freed (2012) – 9.3 million copies
4. Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (2008) – 8.7 million copies
5. Kathryn Stockett, The Help (2009) – 8.7 million copies
6. Paula Hawkins, The Girl on The Train (2015) – 8.2 million copies
7. Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl (2012) – 8.1 million copies
8. John Green, The Fault in Our Stars (2012) – 8 million copies
9. Stieg Larsson, The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo (2008) – 7.9 million copies
10. Veronica Roth, Divergent (2011) – 6.6 million copies

It should come as no surprise that the 50 Shades trilogy tops out this list of womanly angst, as the three books touch on both sex and murder in fascinatingly uninspired ways. (For the record, I’ve read each of them twice.) These books also function as great examples of how sociopath-style behavior can also be sexy if you’re white and/or very, very wealthy—the sexiest if you’re both. Of all the horny murderesses throughout the decade, the best has to be Amy Dunne of Gone Girl—a true hero who went above and beyond expectations of a good murderess.

The real shock is that a very unhorny, unmurdery book like The Help was able to compete with such stiff competition. I can’t wait to see what great takes on fucking fiction writers will share in this new decade. If we’re really lucky, E. L. James will come out with a sexual fan fiction inspired by Baby Yoda.



Fifty Shades of Gray is unreadably bad. I feel bad for every other book on this list (yes, even The Help) for being on a list with Fifty Shades. How can a book about kink be so incredibly, constantly, mercilessly boring? No, I never read the other two volumes. No, I never made it through the first one. It’s one of the three books in my life I never finished. That list is Fifty Shades, Bridges of Madison County (Blech), and The Celestine Prophecy (skimmed that one but blech). I will read almost anything, but I can’t read that. Or that. Or that.