We Are Living in the Age of Pet Food Stamps

The economy still sucks, and we know this largely because, at the rate information technology is developing, we should be on Playstation 11 right now and we’re only on 3 because no one can afford to pour extra money into video games. Especially when their (caution: harsh transition ahead) pets are going hungry.

When your children or your sibling’s children (because fuck that) ask you how bad the Neverending Recession was, you can look at them, muster a single tear, and say softly, “Future Child Who Almost Certainly Has a Playstation 11 and Does Not Appreciate It At All [names are baroque in the future], I lived in the age of pet food stamps.”

Pet food stamps, reports CBS, are the latest heartbreaking spawn of the down economy. People who suddenly find themselves unable to feed the animals they took into their homes when money wasn’t so tight have turned to organizations like Pet Food Stamps, which was launched in February by do-gooder Mark Okon. The idea is simple: far too many animals are being euthanized each year, and if the resources exist to help keep a family from putting its beloved pet down (or giving it away), there’s no reason why those resources shouldn’t go where they’re needed most. Times are tough — we all have to help each other out a little bit. Otherwise, we’ll soon have roving packs of hungry, half-wild dogs taking over our cities, and nothing kills the urge to develop a Playstation 11 than having to fight through ravenous bichon frises on your way to the Top Secret Sony Headquarters (which is somehow in America). Seriously, though — that Playstation 11, we’re waiting.