Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

We Are All Prince Louis (Minus the Money )

Prince Louis is us and we are him. We also had to scream and exit.

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Prince Louise, in 2019, on the right.
Image: Max Mumby/Indigo/Daniel Leal (Getty Images)

Listen, Louis: I, too, have needed to let out a gaped-mouth guttural scream this week after learning the U.S. had not one, not two, but three mass shootings on Tuesday, and over 20 since Uvalde. As of June 1, there have been 233 total mass shootings in the U.S., according to the Gun Violence Archive.

I also needed to scream over the fact that funding for COVID testing/vaccines has been stalled in several states, women’s abortion rights hang in the balance, reproductive care is unaffordable and inaccessible, and we’re probably about to enter a recession. Needless to say, this entire year can kiss all of our asses.

And like us, Prince Louis is over the turd tuna melt life is serving right now. Wednesday morning, the 4-year-old stood on the royal balcony during the Trooping the Colour— an annual event to mark the Queen’s birthday. This year, it also kicked off the four-day Platinum Jubilee celebration—“Platty Jubes” for the very online among us—which marks the Queen’s 70th year on the throne. But as the fleet of planes flew overhead, Louis clearly wasn’t having it. For a moment I ask you to suspend belief and imagine the following photos as a silent film of our collective reactions to the current state of the US. Warning: Grab a pair of Poise now, these pics may make you pee yourself a little.

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First, the young Louie screams: “I’m done with absolutely all of this!”

Image for article titled We Are All Prince Louis (Minus the Money )
Image: Daniel Leal / AFP (Getty Images)
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Now, the Queen is trying to keep her composure like the grandmas whose grandchildren start acting out in the grocery store line and they are two seconds away from calling it quits or popping someone with their cane. Meanwhile, as Princess Charlotte winces from the agony, the pain, the tragedy, Louis is still enraged!

But just then, he learns of more atrocities. Gas is $8?! Covid cases increasing, and Monkeypox threatening from backstage? Time for more expressions of shock into the void.

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Illustration: Daniel Leal (Getty Images)

Then with a collective belt, Louis leads his brothers and sister, and some would say the world, in a unified howl of frustration. “Ahhhhhh, we can’t take it anymore!” (Umm...Dutchess Kate is still smiling... knowing good and damn well her ears hurt from those heavy rocks). Peep the Queen’s face: “I have no idea what’s going on and am barely hanging onto life by a thread.”

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Image for article titled We Are All Prince Louis (Minus the Money )
Image: Daniel Leal / AFP (Getty Images)

Finally, Louis looks toward the sky. His growl and expression serve as the perfect middle finger to the man.  “I will not be silenced! Take that government! Take that politicians and lawmakers! Screw bedtimes, screw it all!” Small teeth, big anger.

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Image for article titled We Are All Prince Louis (Minus the Money )
Image: Daniel Leal / AFP (Getty Images)

But alas, the agony becomes too much for young Louis, and he must retire to bed for a lie-down and some tea. Meanwhile, Charlotte: “This country is on some bullsh*t, but I’m a girl, so I can’t scream without abandon in the same way my brother can.”

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Image for article titled We Are All Prince Louis (Minus the Money )
Image: Daniel Leal (Getty Images)

That concludes our mini silent film. You may now exit stage left. We don’t have a royal bed to sleep in, but we’ve found at least something relatable in Prince Louis.