In this promo video for the
“breastaurant” chain Twin Peaks (ARE YOU IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING IT?), cheery employees extoll the many virtues of the “mountain sports lodge”:
1. All of their beer is frozen.
2. “Some people think that it’s not about the mountains, but it is.”
3. The servers are not only super-hot girls just naturally but girls that are beautifully styled, they carry themselves well, they have fun, confidence, poise, and love to entertain a table also too.
4. Your neighbors can bring their kids. NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER RESTAURANTS.
5. “Scenic views.” (Boobs.)
6. The restaurant cooks all of the food that it sells.
7. The salads are tall.
8. “Our common theme is that we’re all about being a step above.”
9. “We’re committed to showing all the sports that you need to see.”
10. BOOBS.
But I really think Randy DeWitt, owner of Twin Peaks, sums it up best:
We feel like every guy deserves to relax in an authentic mountain lodge, drink 29-degree draft beer, and be catered to by a beautiful lumberjill.
You might be thinking that the most important word in that sentence is “deserves,” but you are wrong. The most important word is OBVIOUSLY “LUMBERJILL.”
Lumberjill.
Lumberjill.
Lumber.
Jill.
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
