On Anderson Cooper's talk show he revealed that though he's a 44-year-old New Yorker who's traveled around the world, somehow he's never tried spinach, brussels sprouts, or coffee. COFFEE! We'd buy it if he said he just never got around to checking out an Ethiopian restaurant, but there's been an entire room devoted to the consumption of free coffee in every office he's ever worked in. Anyway, AC agrees to give the foods a try and deems them all yucky, because he has the palate of a four-year-old.
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Maybe Anderson will make it more acceptable to hate coffee. Because dear god, I HAVE TRIED to "acquire" the ability to like coffee. I've drunk all the various kinds of milked down, watered down mochachocolattachinowhatever flavors. I've tried decaf. I went to Hawaii, to a coffee plantation that specifically offered de-bittered coffee, and it still tasted just the same as regular ol' black bitter coffee. I don't like it no matter how it's done! It's so harsh and bitter and I swear to god I can hear my taste buds screaming and dying in agony every time I've tried it.
I'm so tired of being The Freak Who Doesn't Like Coffee. I make everyone's social life awkward. Especially in writer's groups, or back when I worked in the media a la Anderson. Or when someone "asks you out for coffee" and I have to say "uh, no, I can't stand coffee, and no, I don't want to go to Peet's that has The World's Best Coffee* because they only have coffee and tea and their tea sucks too," and generally being all annoyingly difficult because I can't choke down the stuff. And it smells just as bad as it tastes. Combined with not liking beer or wine... I feel like a 6-year-old who only wants to drink Pepsi instead of The Adult Beverage That All Adults Worship.
Anyway, I'm not hating coffee because it's fun to hate it! I'd get a tongue transplant if I could.
Anderson: solidarity, brother! *fist in the air*
* this phrasing courtesy of an ex-boyfriend, adding to the awkward there.