In an odd reversal of its usual aspirational bent, February Vogue has chosen to present cover girl Jessica Biel in the least flattering light possible, surely to increase reader self-esteem.

Vogue not only makes Biel look bad (as Dodai pointed out) — interviewer Jonathan Van Meter also harps bizarrely on her stalled-out career ("ill-conceived remake of famous horror film; tragic Bret Easton Ellis adaptation; even more tragic Kim Basinger vehicle; meaningless third installment of Blade franchise; terrible movie; terrible movie ... The Illusionist!"). And lest we think that Biel, despite her shitty movie choices, remains a fascinating and fun individual, Van Meter quotes her saying, "I might just be way too boring to ever be a really great actress." In fact, Biel's only flash of personality occurs when she tells a totally unfunny joke about killing Van Meter in a car accident. Maybe Vogue has decided that a sense of complacency and superiority is the real way to make us buy clothes — but until my bank account is bigger than Biel's, I won't be purchasing $1,185 floral-print Bermudas. And probably not even then.


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