Vogue: Jessica Biel Makes Us Feel Good About Ourselves

In an odd reversal of its usual aspirational bent, February Vogue has chosen to present cover girl Jessica Biel in the least flattering light possible, surely to increase reader self-esteem.

Vogue not only makes Biel look bad (as Dodai pointed out) — interviewer Jonathan Van Meter also harps bizarrely on her stalled-out career (“ill-conceived remake of famous horror film; tragic Bret Easton Ellis adaptation; even more tragic Kim Basinger vehicle; meaningless third installment of Blade franchise; terrible movie; terrible movie … The Illusionist!”). And lest we think that Biel, despite her shitty movie choices, remains a fascinating and fun individual, Van Meter quotes her saying, “I might just be way too boring to ever be a really great actress.” In fact, Biel’s only flash of personality occurs when she tells a totally unfunny joke about killing Van Meter in a car accident. Maybe Vogue has decided that a sense of complacency and superiority is the real way to make us buy clothes — but until my bank account is bigger than Biel’s, I won’t be purchasing $1,185 floral-print Bermudas. And probably not even then.