Unstoppable Army of Hot Shirtless Men Has Invaded New York City

Here’s a thing that is apparently going on in my city that I haven’t realized is happening: guys — hot ones — in The Big Apple (you’re allowed to call it The Big Apple if you’ve lived here for less than 2 years) are taking their shirts off and just, like, walking around with their nips out. It has to be true. It’s in the New York Times.

According to the Times, shirtlessness is the new THING for bangable dudes in New York. The Paper of Record cites several examples:

There, on Bastille Day, was a shirtless guy checking out the windows at Bergdorf Goodman; there, on Lafayette Street one Tuesday morning, ambled a shirtless shopper hauling Urban Outfitter bags; there, on the R train, was a rider wearing nothing but jeans and sandals; there, on Astor Place, a cluster of topless men flaunting their abs and pecs.

To keep tabs on this allegedly sweeping trend, Atlantic Wire’s Alex Abad-Santos even made a shirtlessness map based on all the manboob sightings cited in the Times piece. It’s pretty comprehensive.

Do I see shirtless guys just chesting around like it’s nothing from time to time? Sure. But I usually assume they’re sexy heroin addicts or that, at the very least, they’re going through some heavy personal stuff. I feel the same way when I see bikini tops worn like shirts.

God, I love the New York Times Styles section. It’s like going to a bar in your hometown over Thanksgiving and getting hit on by your tipsy middle school math teacher. While it’s happening, you’re like Ew I can’t believe this but afterward you’ve got quite the anecdote.