Twitter is now pretty much owned by Elon Musk, the most notoriously thin-skinned billionaire in the world, and we’re sure this will go well!! This is a man who, mind you, once called the cave diver who heroically rescued children trapped in a Thailand cave a “pedo guy” via tweet, after said diver politely dismissed Musk’s very dumb idea to rescue the kids via Tesla-provided submarines. In other words, I give Jezebel a month before it’s kicked off the platform. I give myself maybe a week.
Since, like the rest of us, many Twitter employees had questions about what it means that the Tesla CEO has joined Twitter’s board of directors and owns about 10% of its stake, the Washington Post reported that on Friday, the company hosted an Elon Musk AMA for all employees. “Following our board announcement, many of you have had different types of questions about Elon Musk, and I want to welcome you to ask those questions to him,” Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal wrote to employees in an email leaked to the Post.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at that AMA.
Musk, you’ll note, acquired 10% of stake in Twitter shortly after a run-of-the-mill meltdown on the platform for supposedly failing to protect free speech (read: actually on occasion taking harassment and neo-Nazism seriously), which is something he knows very much about. Free speech, mind you, is tweeting out an idea for “TITS university” while your company faces a lawsuit for rampant sexual harassment and assault. Free speech also presumably entails tweeting out veiled threats to your workers who are considering unionizing at your factory, which has some of the highest injury rates and lowest wages in the auto industry. Free speech is also firing employees over their YouTube product review videos, obviously.
All of that said, here is a comprehensive list of questions we very much hope Twitter employees asked Mr. Musk on Friday:
- Who is watching your baby X Æ A-Xii, or your seven other kids, right now? (Presumably a nanny, but women get asked this all the time so I wanted to try something!!)
- What, exactly, did you mean by “covid will be over by April 2020”? Bc that didn’t work out...
- How many members of your army of weird Twitter defenders do you think will become billionaires someday?
- Alternatively: How much are said weird Twitter defenders saving you in free PR?
- Can you explain these photos? And can you name your hair implant guy, please? Asking for a friend! (My dad.)
- Did you know that public transit exists? (re: this tweet.)
- Do you really think you could win in a fist fight against Vladimir Putin? Given… you know… your history?
- Any particular thoughts on emerald mines? Or, err, South African apartheid?
- Can you name all eight of your kids? Would you support them coalescing to form a union against you?
- How do you have eight kids and fire employees for using maternity leave???
- You are in possession of $300 billion in hoarded wealth generated from labor exploitation and, err, perfectly non-racist emeralds. $300 billion! Why have you chosen to continue to look like that?
Those are my suggested questions; I hope Twitter employees asked Musk at least one or a few of these. If any employees reading this have footage or notes from the Q&A, please don’t be a stranger! Just know that if you try to contact me via Twitter, I probably won’t be there for much longer, given who’s on your new board of directors. Maybe I’ll try out Truth Social—I heard things are going great over there!!