Twin Peaks: Like Hooters For Mountain Men

For decades, Hooters has been the only real option when it comes to “family friendly” beer-and-boob joints. But now leering American men have a choice!

That’s because new “breastaurants,” like Texas’ “Twin Peaks” are, ahem, “busting out all over.”

Click through the chain’s official website to get an idea of the ridiculous fantasies at play. (“River rocks and mounted trophy animals” line the walls. Waitresses don shrunken flannel shirts so the whole place feels sort of like a soft-porny hunting lodge.)

To be honest, it all seems like harmless, innuendo-laden absurdity. That is until CEO Randy Dewitt gives quotes like this, highlighting his somewhat disturbing vision: boob joint as revenge for our mean boner-killing emasculating culture! “You can’t get it at home; you can’t get it at your workplace anymore,” DeWitt tells the the Star-Telegram, “but you can get it at Twin Peaks.”