Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You,” a song best described as “Justin Bieber goes to a Sandals Resort,” is the reason that an English woman named Sonia Bryce is in jail right now: she blasted it so loud, and for so long, that her neighbors reported her for repeatedly creating a public nuisance.
Bryce played the track on repeat for a half an hour, reports ITV (via FACT), which actually only adds up to about seven times in a row—but clearly it was seven times too many, because her Walsall neighbors and landlord were FED UP. The judge presiding over the case had no sympathy for the woman, slapping down an eight-week sentence and telling her, “You must learn that you should behave as a reasonable and responsible adult and not make life for your neighbours the misery that you have.” In non-legalese: Quit trying to impose your shitty taste on other people!
While I do think jail time is potentially a little extreme for this infraction, I do really feel for this woman’s neighbors. I have been known to anonymously dial up 311 when the frat bros across my courtyard have been blasting Tiesto until 4 a.m. (I would have let it go but the music is so dismal) and up until recently I lived above a café whose owner had such unformed and profoundly basic musical taste that I was actively offended on a daily basis. (An example: he played “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” at least twice a week.) Some things are just inexcusable, and as Sonia Bryce has proven, bad taste is now a punishable offense! ABIDE BY THE LAW!