Trump's Life Is 'Worse' Than Life of Man Who Was Assassinated, According to Trump

By Esther Wang | May 4, 2020 | 9:30pm

News Politics

Trump's Life Is 'Worse' Than Life of Man Who Was Assassinated, According to Trump

During his Fox News town hall/unofficial campaign rally on Sunday night, Donald Trump was asked about his relationship with reporters. And because he is obsessed with Abraham Lincoln, and because he is very, very dumb, he naturally compared his treatment by the press to the treatment of Abraham Lincoln, a man who was assassinated.

Here’s the nonsense that came out of his tiny baby lips, per Vanity Fair:

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“I am greeted with a hostile press the likes of which no president has ever seen. The closest would be that gentleman right up there,” he said, gesturing to Abraham Lincoln, who the history buffs among us will recall was shot and killed one night at the theater. “They always said Lincoln, nobody got treated worse than Lincoln—I believe I am treated worse. You’re there, you see those press conferences, they come at me with questions that are disgraceful, to be honest, disgraceful. Their manner of presentation and their words. And I feel that if I was kind to them, I’d be walked off the stage. I mean, they come at you with the most horrible, horrendous, biased questions. And you see it, 94 and 95% of the press is hostile…The media, they might as well be in the Democrat Party…Nobody’s ever seen anything like this…I’m standing up there and instead of asking me a normal question, the level of anger and hatred, I’ll look at ’em and I’ll say, ‘What’s your problem? What is your problem?’”

In other news about former presidents and Donald Trump, here we have a heartwarming tale about George W. Bush, a mass murderer who should be tried for war crimes and yet somehow comes off like the freaking Dalai Lama when compared to our aforementioned current president.

On Saturday, Dubya shared with the American people what I’m sure he believed was a message of hope, inspiration, and empathy in the midst of the covid-19 pandemic:

Trump, being the man that he is, graciously thanked Bush for his call for unity:

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is officially a conspiracy theorist when it comes to the origins of covid-19. Pretty soon he’ll be storming the cell phone towers! [New York Times]
As the nationwide death toll from covid-19 continues to rise, Republican governors like Georgia’s Brian Kemp continue to defend their strong desire for people to die. [Politico]
And in non-coronavirus news, but very much in news that makes me want to stab my eyes with a salad fork, after the National Archives stated on Friday that it does not have the records of Tara Reade’s 1993 complaint against Joe Biden, Biden requested that the Secretary of the Senate help locate records of the complaint. But on Monday, the Senate Secretary’s office turned down his request, stating that it has “no discretion to disclose” the information. [NPR]
Clarence Thomas spoke at the Supreme Court for the first time in a year! And he broke his silence to ask a truly important question: “Could Booking acquire an 800 number that’s a vanity number? 1-800-booking, for example, that is similar to 1-800-plumbing, which is a registered mark.” [CNN]
Shockingly, Republicans are opposed to something—mail-in voting—that most Americans want. [USA Today]