Trump's Cabinet Takes Turns Praising Him Like Good Little Stooges

Trump’s first-ever Cabinet meeting took place on Monday in the White House, although a more appropriate location might have been Dr. Evil’s volcano lair, or the last night of camp when everybody goes around the circle and says what they like about each other.


After spouting off a typically delusional speech about his achievements thus far, Trump listened as his Cabinet—many of whom wore red ties, just like daddy—went around the room heaping exaggerated praise upon the administration and all the amazing things they have done/will do, such as scaring undocumented immigrants out of coming to the United States, and infuriating the entire world by reneging on a non-binding accord to combat climate change.

“I think the international community knows we are back,” said UN ambassador Nikki Haley, who Trump joked in April could “easily be replaced.”

“Other countries are gradually getting used to the fact that the free rides are over now,” Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross said. Yes, how is that going?

“We are still going to be leaders in the world when it comes to the climate, but we are not going to be held hostage to some executive order that was ill-thought-out. My hats off to you for taking that stand and sending a clear message around the world,” said Energy Secretary Rick Perry, who was previously in favor of remaining in the Paris Climate Agreement.

“While we are bragging about international travel, I just got back from Mississippi and they like you there,” noted Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue. (This seems accurate.)


“I want to thank you for getting this country moving again, and also working again,” said Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, who will likely struggle to get anyone moving again with the budget cuts proposed by the Trump administration.

“I am not going to say a damn thing in front of the media,” CIA Director Mike Pompeo barked, eliciting very loud laughter around the room.


Take a look at some highlights from the meeting in the video above, and in case you’re interested in becoming very upset, here’s a video of our previous president wishing two Cabinet members happy birthday.



They seem to be confused and think they’re in some sort of West Wing LARP situation, or playing in a Fantasy White House Politics league. This is not Model UN, guys. This is Real UN, where you actually have to DO stuff instead of just talking real good about it with your buddies.

They literally seem to be dressing up in suits and playing pretend in the Oval Office. “Oh, I’m making schools great again! Oh, I’m leading climate change!” No, you’re fucking not. Jesus Christ.