Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Trump Really Asked Kid Rock for Advice on North Korea

The "singer" told Tucker Carlson this week that our former president sought his expert guidance on foreign diplomacy.

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As the history books have already indicated, we will never escape the absolute idiocy of the Trump administration and should probably go ahead and make peace with the fact that we may have to contend with new little disturbing bits of information that makes our brain leak out of our ears for eternity.

The latest: On Tuesday, Kid Rock, a walking Von Dutch hat, sat down with Fox News’ favorite overgrown baby Tucker Carlson to discuss... mostly nothing of value. But in their riveting discussion about Kid Rock’s unhinged friendship with the former president, the singer admitted that Trump casually ran foreign diplomacy ideas past him.

“I was there with [Trump] one day when he ended the caliphate,” said the 51-year-old man who most definitely still uses a 2-in-1 body wash and shampoo. “He wanted to put out a tweet … I don’t like to speak out of school. I hope I’m not. But … the tweet was, and I’m paraphrasing, but it’s like, you know, ‘If you ever joined the caliphate, you know, trying to do this, you’re going to be dead.’ He goes, ‘What do you think?’ [I said] ‘Awesome. I can’t add any better.’ But then it comes out and it’s … reworded and more political, to look politically correct. And just, ‘be afraid.’”

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Just absolutely love to live in a country where the president is a fascist bag of sawdust who controls messages to his constituents about a major terrorist organization like a woman asking the group chat which outfit she should wear on her Hinge date tonight.

Kid Rock then told Carlson that once he and Trump were “looking at maps”—a favorite pastime of those who cannot read but love to look at pictures—and Trump asked the “Redneck Paradise” singer, “What do you think we should do about North Korea?”

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In a brief moment of self-awareness, Kid Rock said he was “like, ‘What? I don’t think I’m qualified to answer this.’” We agree on one thing, Kid Rock.

Considering Trump met with the murderous dictator of North Korea Kim Jong-un many times over his tenure as president (and threatened him perhaps just as many times), it’s an absolute wonder how the United States is not currently a smoking, gaping hole in the ground. So, uh, it looks like we can’t exactly say Kid Rock helped us stave off nuclear war, but we can’t not say that either. Sure looks like he had the brief political opportunity to destroy most of humanity! What a time to be alive.