Trump Designates His Inauguration Day 'National Day Of Patriotic Devotion'

Photo Credit: Getty Images
Photo Credit: Getty Images

Donald Trump, a clump of moldering chickpeas and the 45th President of the United States, is quite agitated over the prevailing negative response to his inauguration: the dinky crowd, the roaring protests, the tweets — oh the tweets! So, what’s our churlish presidential meat pie to do? The answer, my pals, is obvious: rewrite the narrative into one more palatable to his delicate taste.

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And so, as the Daily Intelligencer reports, one of Trumplestilskin’s first orders of business was to sign a proclamation designating January 20, 2017 a “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.” Yes, that’s right. For all intents and purposes, he declared his Inauguration Day a holiday.

“A new national pride stirs the American soul and inspires the American heart,” reads the proclamation. “We are one people, united by a common destiny and a shared purpose.” The document will appear in the Federal Register on Tuesday, January 24. You can read it in full here.

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“We are one people,” claims the man who, at his inaugural ball, referred to his critics as “enemies.” Honoring this day, the day a racist, xenophobic sexual predator assumed the country’s highest office, will “strengthen our bonds to each other and to our country.”

Sure, whatever consolation you need, Donald. Your party still sucked.

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DISCUSSION

gingerisaconstruct
Ginger Is A Construct

You know, my SO told me about this, and I thought he was joking. (In my defense my SO didn’t know what specific day was being named a National Patriot Day, he helpfully suggested that it should be “the first Monday after the Super Bowl”). This is real life?? Making his own inauguration day a fucking holiday?? Even Kim Jong Il would be like “bruh, have some chill.”