Train Advocates For Stealing From Elderly People in New Video

The Grammy-award winning band Train, a group that has been producing music for over two decades, might be known best for their moving songs about women who are named after states who walk around in unusual but beautiful bodies. But their latest song is causing controversy for encouraging young people to steal from and disrespect their elders.

The video for the song “Bulletproof Picasso” starts out innocently enough: the lead singer of Train [Ed. Note. Name????] is poring over Polaroids, remembering when he was younger and he was what’s-her-face’s boyfriend from Modern Family, except he was actually a young vagrant who, one day, attempted to hitch a ride with a well-meaning older gentleman with a zest for life.

The older gentleman did not stop for the vagrant, because hitchhiking is dangerous and ruining the fabric of this great nation.

The older gentleman soon happened upon a diner, where an ungrateful young woman (Beth from The Walking Dead) waitressing there was immediately rude to him.

Because kids today don’t know anything about anything, she was much kinder to the vagrant when he entered her place of business.

Even though it was the older gentleman who helped her adjust her clothing for her.

She didn’t appreciate the gesture, and squirted ketchup on him! So inappropriate and unprofessional.

Then she stole his car! As if things could get worse. Where are the cops when you need them?

The ungrateful waitress picked up the vagrant and they started vandalizing property together.

Then it looks like they went to a laundromat and the ungrateful waitress might have stolen someone else’s clothes? As this is the ultimate offense, I can’t fixate on this for too long. It’s too upsetting.

And as if things could get any worse, there’s an indication that the pair were engaging in sexual activity before marriage…

…despite their virginal and highly unrealistic underwear (who wears a white bandeau top as a bra?).

The memory ends “happily,” with the pair frolicking at the beach, but we know better: this life of sin will only lead to destitution and unhappiness, no matter how well it appears that the lead singer of Train [Ed. Note: Please learn his name] has turned out.

Train might be known for their glorious melodies and insightful lyrics about the human condition, but this song and video indicates that they’ve gone off the rails. It’s all here in the chorus:

We don’t need a reason/For anything we feel/We don’t need a reason/Picasso’s at the wheel

So roll that top down, hell with this town/Leave our bags behind

We don’t need a reason/Cause I got you, and you got me tonight

Not only is it bizarre to suggest that an erratic dead artist should be inspiring the direction a pair of young people take with their lives, but there should always be reason and understanding behind all one’s actions.