Tracy Morgan appeared on Today this morning in his first interview since the 2014 accident that put him in a coma and killed his friend, James McNair. Morgan spoke with Matt Lauer about the accident and his ongoing recovery. “I can’t believe I’m here,” he told Lauer as it began.

Morgan said he has his “good days and bad days,” and that McNair’s death remains the most traumatic part of the entire ordeal. “Bones heal. The loss of my friend will never heal,” he said.

“Every day I would just watch the accident on YouTube, and one day I cam across his funeral on YouTube, and I just, I lost it for about a week.”

When asked why he would spend so much time rewatching the crash, Morgan responded:

“I had to know what happened to my friend. I had to know. And I had to pay my respects. And that was my way.”

The entire interview can be viewed below and is, at times, pretty difficult to watch. It’s not easy to see the man who brought a character as absurd as Tracy Jordan to life discuss his brush with death, but Morgan says he’s not done with comedy just yet.

“I love comedy. I’ll never stop loving her. I love comedy and I can’t wait to get back to her. But right now my goal is just to heal and get better. I’m not 100 percent yet. I’m not. And when I’m there, you’ll know it. I’ll get back to making you laugh, I promise you.”

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