Tom Hanks Hasn't Told Chet Hanks to Shut the Fuck Up Yet

Illustration for article titled Tom Hanks Hasnt Told Chet Hanks to Shut the Fuck Up Yet

Chet Hanks, the spoiled white boy who loves the word “nigga,” is still around, still ruining your timeline. On Friday, he trashed a hotel room in London; on Tuesday, he admitted that his parents Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson haven’t had the whole “You can’t say nigger because you’re white and that’s a word used to subjugate blacks as subhuman and not a cool way to refer to friends” talk.


Across the pond, Hanks reportedly caused $1,800 in damages to his room in the Aurora International Hotel, according to People, and now police are looking for him. No word on why the struggle rapper was in the U.K.—I guess that’s just what real “niggas” who are related to Forrest Gump do—but Chet’s parents probably won’t talk to him about it, much like they haven’t spoken to him about his beloved and highly embarrassing (for him) vocabulary.


In an interview with TMZ, the young Hanks agreed that he’s accepted by the “Black, hip hop, whatever” culture—not by me!—and further explained his foolish use of the word in question. Here are the excerpts, presented with my comments and curiosities:

“I do have black friends that use it with me and I use it with them.”

Who are these black friends? The woman next to you in this clip? “Friends,” show yourselves so that we, the black community, may punish you for your fuckshit foolishness.

“My parents are just like making sure I’m good, they don’t really tell me what to do anymore because I’m grown. They just be making sure I’m happy and safe, that’s all.”

Great, so glad this type of hands-off parenting is clearly working so well.

“My parents, they be like telling me to stay off social media period. Even before this happened, they’d be like ‘Don’t be on Instagram so much’ but like they’re the old generation, they don’t get it. We’re the new generation, we do things differently now. You’re either gonna get it, or you’re not gonna get it.”


I can’t wait for A) the part of Tom Hanks’ upcoming publicity circuit around his new film Bridge of Spies where journalists ask him why he failed to teach his son how to function in this country as a white boy who loves rap; B) the part when Hanks’ press team outlines that that topic is off limits in the actor’s interviews.

I nominate Chet Hanks for the How to Exacerbate an Already Racially Tense Week with White Supremacist Stupidity Award, which Kendall and Kylie Jenner began last year by singing “nigga” amid the Ferguson riots. Congrats Chet, you made it.


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He LITERALLY said “but I have a black friend”