Timothée Chalamet Grew a Hideous Little Goatee And It Sucks

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Is Timothée Chalamet tired of having a bunch of spooky old women (me) constantly fawning over how beautiful he is? How his hair unspools from his scalp like an Italian gondolier’s and how his dark, moody eyes appear to have been borrowed from a crying deer? He must be, or he wouldn’t have grown this creepy little goatee. Now he just looks like a guy who sells fake Vicodin to teenagers on the dark web. Yuck.

Chalamet debuted his unfortunate new look at the National Board of Review Gala on Wednesday, possibly after having read Maria Sherman’s assertion that frankly, he’s too hot to play Bob Dylan. Sorry Timmy, you can cosplay an ‘80s coke hustler all you want, but until you file those cheekbones into smooth orbs, you’re still going to be too attractive for this planet.


But ugh, look at that thing. Do you think it moves when the wind hits it? I’m gonna barf.

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