Time to Learn How to Give Head While Wearing a Mask

Fucking is about to get worse. Or better based on your kink, there’s no shame here. A new study released by researchers at Harvard University recommends wearing a mask during sexual intercourse with a sex partner with whom you do not share a home. Sex partners who do live together should be aware of their increased risk of contracting covid-19 should either partner step outside the home. But for those who are going to extreme lengths for a little strange (we know you’re out there) the rules of the game are changing. Again.

According to the study, those looking to have their fun and stay safe are recommended to “avoid kissing and sexual behaviors with a risk for fecal-oral transmission or that involve semen or urine, wearing a mask, showering before and after sexual intercourse, and cleaning of the physical space with soap of alcohol wipes.” The cleaning of any space with soap or wipes after intercourse is literally my grandmother’s wet dream. But for those of us who are not 80-year- old compulsive cleaners, this seems like a lot. It also seems like eating ass is out of the question for a few months. The Bodega Boys will be devastated.

While the study notes that it isn’t completely clear whether the virus can be transmitted strictly via semen or vaginal secretions, it does warn that “it would be prudent to consider semen potentially infectious.” Keep that phrase playing on a loop in your mind before you brag about your ability to swallow in the group chat. You know who you are.