Time to Lean Out and Apply For This 'Freelance Marijuana Critic' Job

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“Attention Oregon’s cannabis community,” begins a job listing written by God. “The Oregonian is seeking a freelance critic to review marijuana strains, infused products and highlight consumer trends unique to Oregon’s robust cannabis culture and marketplace.”

The candidate should be an experienced cannabis consumer with deep knowledge about the variety of strains and products available on the Oregon market. The items would appear 2-4 times a month on OregonLive and/or The Oregonian.

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In Oregon, recreational dispensaries are legal but barely in their infancy, so the person with the best job in the world would also have to be “medically qualified.” I’ve started my application four times already, but I keep getting distracted. Because—and this may sound unorthodox, but the best critics shift the paradigm—they should really consider hiring from out of state.


Contact the author at jia@jezebel.com.

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DISCUSSION

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HOT TAKE: I fucking hate anyone who has a “deep knowledge about the variety of strains” and they legitimately make me yearn for marijuana to be illegal forever because that’s how fucking insufferable they are.

Like. I love weed more than I will love any man or woman who was or will be born on this earth, but like. I hate talking about indica or sativa or puple urkel or whatever crazy fucking names they’re giving weed these days. No, Mr. Drug Dealer, I don’t care if it’s Sour Diesel because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. DOES IT GET ME HIGH? AND NOT HEADACHE HIGH, ACTUALLY HIGH. GOOD HIGH. YES? COOLGREATTHANKS BE BACK NEXT WEEK.