ABC is now the network of such venerable news names as Bob Woodruff, Barbara Walters, Peter Jennings, Diane Sawyer, and... Tim Tebow. Yes. Tim Motherfucking Tebow.

Former NFL quarterback and outspoken anti-abortion activist Tim Tebow has been tapped to join ABC's Good Morning America, where he will be paid large sums of money to talk about motivation and BEING A WINNER and this makes me want to staple my eyelids shut oh my God if any of you went to journalism school I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

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Tebow will start his stint on the program on September 15th. That's barely enough time to mourn the death of whatever it is this hire symbolizes.

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