Image via AP.

Too much trash out here. Too much stuff. The world is a factory, a vapid assembly line from warehouse to apartment to trash to dump to a carpet of plastic shit in the ocean. Too much shit, everywhere. You know why? Humans are animals and try to fill their stupid existential voids by charging everything on credit.

You know who’s gonna remedy that shit? This Bed-Stuy rat. They’re calling him “Larceny Rat,” because he stole his neighbor’s credit card statements, but I call him earth’s avenger, a footsoldier in the Environmental Liberation Front for Rodents. You don’t pay your bill, you fuck up your credit, you can’t buy more crap you don’t need, simple as that. And, like any true environmental activist, Liberation Rat recycles what he steals, symbolically and usefully using it as statement art of both form and function: he transforms the statements into a real necessity—shelter. Reduce, Recycle, Reuse. Rat.

There are many kinds of rats in this city, more even than people. Who was his Bed-Stuy neighbor—a longtime resident? A gentrifier? Ansel Elgort? We will never know—the neighbor declined to comment. This rat, though, gets his efforts to rid the earth of trash rewarded.

Rewarded with death.