Once a generation comes a love story so beautiful, so profound, that it somehow simultaneously fills you with hope (because romance isn't dead) and despair (because you'll likely never achieve a love so great). One such romance occurred this New Year's Eve and — in a truly modern take on the classic tale of Cinderella — one lover sprinted into the night, leaving the other to seek out her estranged paramour on Craigslist.
For so typethed the fair and heartbroken maiden:
You - 5'8 scruffy, glasses, wearing a blue hoodie outside the Vid and I asked you for a lighter. You lit my cigarette and we talked about our wishes for the new year. We heard the countdown starting and decided to stay outside. I started to cry and you kissed me, and then we started to make out. After a minute I felt something warm and realised that you pissed yourself. I pushed you away and that's when you ran but I wish you had stayed. You peed on me but it's OK! I just want to know who you are! Please reply and when you do tell me why I started crying so I know it's you - if you remember.
Are you crying? I'm crying. WE'RE ALL CRYING. This is just like my favorite quote from Romeo and Juliet — "My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late that he peed on me. What the fuck. Romeo totally peed on me."
GASP. What if it turns out that the girl who got peed on comes from a family that despises pee and the boy who peed comes from a family that pees on everything?! What will they do?! They must reunite so the world can finally be healed!
A glooming peace this New Year with it brings. The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head. Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, and some punishèd. For never was a story of more woe than this of some girl and that guy who pissed on her after they started making out.
Image via Shutterstock.