Tinseltown is unusually quiet Tuesday, so I’m back to my regularly scheduled spying. Namely, wondering how Kylie Jenner bends her body like that all the time without permanent spinal cord damage.
On Instagram, the maybe-maybe-not billionaire wrote: “happiness over everything and anything.” Friend and interdimensional space traveler Stassie Baby responded with a bit of poetry: “❤️❤️”
Now, what this lady chooses to do with her own happiness is probably not my business and I won’t spend too long thinking about it. But I’m standing here, over my desk, recreating this pose, and I’m wondering when I can stop doing this because it’s uncomfortable and weird and leaves me feeling like the inflatable bendy balloons flapping in the wind outside a used car dealership or a furniture store perpetually on the brink of foreclosure.
Is this happiness? Am I feeling happiness right now? Perhaps I’ve been doing it all wrong my whole life.
Eva Mendes is in the news because over on Instagram she compared spanking a child to hitting a spouse. She wrote:
I’m often asked what my favorite red carpet dress is. This @versace is definitely up there. Im not often asked what my favorite parenting quote is, but I’ll post it anyway. Please slide if you care. 💕
The quote, meanwhile, reads: “Spanking does for a child’s development what hitting a spouse does for marriage.”
The comparison is a bit shoddy, but I have sympathy for the sentiment and would implore everyone yelling at her on Instagram to stop being weird, if even for a second.
Noah Cyrus announced something on Instagram but it’s in cursive and although I was required to take that class in the third grade it’s also completely incomprehensible and makes my eyes bleed.