Image: Getty

Jojo Siwa celebrated her Sweet 16 Tuesday evening the only way she knew how: with a wildly age-inappropriate birthday party built of Nickelodeon nightmares at the W Hotel in Hollywood. (For what it’s worth, she doesn’t actually turn the big one until next month, but who cares? This is her rainbow-filled, shimmery, bow-adorned pseudo-reality, we’re just living adjacent to it.) To celebrate her ability to drive the hideous car her parents gifted her for Christmas (the same one Justin Bieber insulted), Siwa went all out with her outfit, substituting her normally subdued bedazzled clothing for head-to-toe sequins, exaggerated shoulders (more room for more sequins), an A-line pom-pom skirt that might as well have been pulled, strand by strand, from the mane of a My Little Pony, and a big, bright blue (of course, sequined) bow.

Don’t look directly at her, it’s like staring into the sun:

Image: Getty

The only way to make Jojo more Jojo? Give her sparkly wheels. This is her final form.

Image: Getty

What kind of rave is this? These children cannot possibly be her friends?

Image: Getty

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To be fair, the outfit is kinda perfect for her—and reminds me of the Heatherette graffiti tutu look Teyana Taylor wore in her episode of MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 back in 2007:

Screenshot: Twitter/MTV

Maybe this is fashion after all? I need a nap.