Cressida Bonas (BEST NAME EVER), the reported girlfriend of Super Ginger
and ice
trekker Prince Harry, basically caused a major kerfuffle when she dared to step out
last week carrying a
book called Why Love Matters causing some people to of
freak out about it. Because OBVIOUSLY this is a secret message to Prince Harry, you
guise! People don’t just read books about things. No! This is all about “sending a secret message,” duh! Love ‘matters,’ Harry!
Quit running around in the snow AND LET ME LOVE YOU.
OH BTW! Carrying a book also means
she has “babies on the brain,” because the book “covers how
affection shapes a baby’s brain.” Or, you know, she’s just carrying a
fucking book.
People will try and interpret the
meaning behind books that
celebrities carry more than scientists studying the meaning behind the paintings in caves at Lascaux.
The tabloids wrote more about this girl’s book than The Oxford Press wrote
about the Crimean War.
Look, I know just what it is like
to be in her shoes. I have dated some very famous men in my time. I was once
engaged to the son of the guy who used to own the old Meineke before they had
to tear it down because of all the rats and asbestos and stuff. You have no
idea the pressure of constantly being asked by the guys in your fiance’s
uncle’s Kiwanis Club ‘so, how
are things going with you two?’OMG
THE SCRUTINY.
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