They're Rebuilding the Titanic Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong

Illustration for article titled Theyre Rebuilding the Titanic Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong
TitanicTitanicAll Titanic all the time.

You know how the movie Titanic makes the real Titanic seem like the most fun ever? Every time, I watch it, I think to myself, "Why was I born now and not then when I could have been on that boat?" The parties? The class divisions? The multiple spoons and nudie pics? Does that all not just scream "harmless fun that we definitely won't pay for with our lives"? By the way, I have never seen the second half of movie. How does it end? Never mind — don't tell me.

Anyway, GREAT NEWS. Australian billionaire Clive Palmer is having an exact Titanic replica built by a Chinese ship manufacturer, which definitely sounds the opposite of worrying. So far, over 40,000 people have expressed interest in riding the replica which, if all goes as planned, will follow the exact route from Southampton to New York City taken by the original Titanic in 1912. Some guests have even said that they'll pay up to $1 million per ticket to ride on the ship's maiden voyage. Once finished, the Titanic II will accomodate 2,400 guests, none of whom are likely to drown, have a smoke stack collapse on them or freeze in the Atlantic Ocean at any point in the journey.

The Titanic II is slated to set sail in 2016, a year when no headlines will read "2,400 Idiot Millionaires Die in Shipwreck We Should Have Seen Coming."


Why Rebuild The Titanic? Because "We Can" [The Gothamist]
‘Titanic' Fans Eager for Romance Aboard Made-in-China Replica [WSJ]

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It wouldn't be an exact replica. You couldn't get away with the same layout. Ending the watertight compartments well below the top deck to allow for wide, open spaces is what ultimately doomed the ship. So there's that.

Even the 1st class cabins would have surprised modern day travelers with their small size. Which says nothing of the glorified hostels of the lower decks. Nobody is going to go Steerage on Titanic Deux.

In addition, the Titanic had no pool, no shopping malls, etc. There wasn't really that much to do. You know how everyone on Downton Abbey basically sits around and pensively reads the 7 daily editions of the newspaper along with the occasional book? An exact replica of the Titanic would be more or less the same thing. Joseph Conrad novels talk endlessly about people sitting around and "smoking cheroots on the verandah" because that was really the only option.