They Should Have Let the Teens Roast Ivanka

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

On Monday, Ivanka Trump dropped in on Connecticut high school Norwalk Early College Academy, much to the chagrin of parents who say they should have been informed that their children would be coming in contact with a Trump. Some students were pulled from the classroom—but shouldn’t they have been allowed to savage her instead?


Youths are terrifying; they have the same perceptiveness of adults, but are less likely to filter their observations. Their instincts for zeroing in on other people’s insecurities are at their peak, honed by a thousand lunchroom skirmishes. Let these teens confront Ivanka Trump, who is basically suspended in adolescence anyway.

Though I am far past my prime, I have tried to get into the mindset of my inner Mean Girl, and come up with questions and comments a group of teens could come at Ivanka Trump with the next time she forces her way into a classroom unannounced for “security reasons.” I know you can do better, teens, this is just a jumping off point:

  • [looking at shoes] “What’re those?”
  • “You look too old to go here.”
  • “But like, what do you do?”
  • “Do you wish you were adopted?”
  • “My mom says you’re an enemy to womankind, but you seem too boring.”
  • “You look like a background actor on Hellcats.”
  • “Is it hard for you to match your skin tone to your purse?”
  • “Have you ever accidentally killed a pet?”
  • “Will you record a message for my grandpa, he’s really sick and your dad took his health insurance.”
  • “Can you define ‘complicit’?”
  • “Have you experienced sleep paralysis on your giant bed of money?”
  • “Do you really think your husband is cute?”

This is more passive-aggressive teen stuff, which is the language Ivanka speaks; but outright booing, shooting spit balls and other paper missiles, turning your back and talking loudly to a friend about how bored you are, eating a tuna sandwich with your mouth open, and drumming aggressively on a desk are all great ways to let the First Daughter know she’s not welcome in homeroom. Don’t take the teens out of the war against Trump photo ops. They are powerful allies.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin


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