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These Are the Best Captions in Kim Kardashian's Book of Selfies

Illustration for article titled These Are the Best Captions in Kim Kardashians Book of Selfies

Selfish, Kim Kardashian-West’s book of selfies, was released Tuesday and I spent nearly half an hour flipping through each of its 445 pages. Though I had spent many months looking forward to the silly collection of photographs, I was delighted to find that Selfish had a surprise waiting up the sleeves of its dust jacket: Kim’s captions. Not every photo is treated to Kim’s brief prose (they’re in her handwriting!), but those that are are the book’s best treat.

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Below are a few of my favorites.

I’ve left the accompanying photos out because what you imagine them to be is likely 100% accurate.

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On lies we make up to enhance a narrative:

My very first selfie was taken in 1984. I put my mom’s clip-on earrings on Khloé and found a disposable camera and took a picture to capture this memory.

On her transformative friendship with Paris Hilton:

I had never really traveled until I met Paris. She showed me a whole new world.

On how boring Indianapolis is:

We were bored in Indianapolis taking photo booth pics.

On vibes and their multitudes:

It was a futuristic shoot. I love doing photo shoots and having memories and so many different vibes.

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On 3-minute meals:

I watched the show with Ryan Seacrest and then went home and had Cup noodles in bed at my apartment.

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On the importance of cropping:

I look naked but I’m wearing a strapless dress.

On Ciara’s impact:

This was the first time I met Lala. BFFs ever since! Ciara introduced us.

On things that are problematic:

I was in Africa in a diamond mine.

On starter homes:

I took so many selfies in this mirror. It was at the 1st home I owned.

On 2010:

Snookie!!!

On optical illusions:

I’m obsessed with contour.

On turning points:

I just got this Fendi coat and was in New York. I was in a taxi and took this selfie to actually send the Kanye to see if he liked my new coat. He did!

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On marriage:

At the Yeezus show. I’m his #1 groupie. #TourLife #WifeLife

On favorites:

Bikini selfies are my fave.

On things that should have remained personal:

Fresh spray tan. I get so dark...Kanye calls it a yé-tan.

On hacking:

I wasn’t intending to put these in the book but saw them online during the icloud hack. I’m not mad at them. lol They are taken with a blackberry and I don’t have icloud...it’s all a mystery!

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On travel:

Thailand - I don’t think I’ve ever taken as many selfies as I did in Thailand. It’s one of the prettiest places I’ve ever traveled to!

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On her love of wildlife:

I just wanted a selfie with an elephant. This pic was taken before the elephant scared me.

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On the inevitability of change:

I took a selfie at a red light while driving. I think that’s illegal now.

Image via Amazon.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

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DISCUSSION

mollymlf05
Molly with the Mediocre Hair

I put my mom’s clip-on earrings on Khloé and found a disposable camera and took a picture to capture this memory.”

A PHOTO OF ANOTHER PERSON IS NOT A SELFIE.