There's a Man Named 'Santa Claus' Running for City Council in North Pole, Alaska

Illustration for article titled Theres a Man Named Santa Claus Running for City Council in North Pole, Alaska

Specifically, the former president of the North Pole Chamber of Commerce, whose legal name really and truly is “Santa Claus.”

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The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner (h/t AP) reports on the political goings-on in the tiny town. You see, apparently nobody filed to run for the two available spots, and so Claus has put himself forward as one of two write-in candidates. And frankly, it is an outrage that he is planning to march all his elves down to their local polling place—in winter, in their tiny little slippers with turned-up toes—and demand that they write his name in, or else they’ve got to go work for the Easter Bunny, and we all know his benefits situation is just awful. It’s like, wasn’t licensing out your brand for “Santa Con” bad enough? You have to control the entire town, like some sort of tinseled mafioso? It’s appalling, and as a nation we shouldn’t stand for this sort of Christmasy corruption in our small towns.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

Photo via AP Images.

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DISCUSSION

decadentdegenerate
DecadentDegenerate

Goddamn commie.

Look at the facts people!

Guy wears red-classic commie color.

Has a big and unkempt beard-like KARL MARX!

Gives away commodities-REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH, ANYBODY?

Piggybacking off the last one-he leaves the ‘naughty’ children out. Obviously this is because ‘naughty’ is code for ‘political dissident’ or something. Someone should check out that ‘factory’ of his-maybe they’ll find less proletariat and more gulag-tariot.

FINALLY we need to get down to brass tax-whoops, I mean, ‘contribution to the state’-ELVES! They’ve been indoctrinated by this ‘jolly’ Commie to work for no capital. No compensation. Just for ‘the joy of children’. We all know what that means. WAR. WAR ON A MASSIVE SCALE. MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION.

So no, I will not be voting for this Lenin reading, reindeer sleigh riding, Coca-Cola mascot (Before you jump-look at what they’ve done to Ché, with his face all over t-shirts!) Commie. Not just because I don’t live in the district, but because I don’t want no commie in office. Even if I don’t really know what’s going on.