There's a Birchbox for Condoms and It's Called 'The Cocksman Club'

What do you picture upon hearing the name, “The Cocksman Club”? Is it an exclusive Victorian club for gents who enjoy the company of gents, or perhaps a cheeky society for the discussion of rooster breeding? Wrong on both counts: It’s a subscription service for condoms.

Tagline: “Legends Aren’t Born, They’re Laid; Safely.”

The Cocksman Club is the apogee of the “Birchbox for X” trend. Betabeat reports that $5 gets you an envelope filled with 3 condoms monthly; $10 gets you 10. You can pick from Trojan, Durex and Lifestyles varieties—basically the same stuff they give out for free on most college campuses. It’s not even a new idea; Dollar Rubber Club has been around since 2012, and there’s also Boink Box for sex toys.

It’s the Cocksman Club’s exquisite cheesiness that really puts this effort over the top, though. Check out this video, which is like being pitched by a sentient stack of Kraft Singles:

Nor is the founder (who, according to Business Insider, hopes to grow the company to a lifestyle brand on par with Playboy) any better over the phone. He told Betabeat:

“The cool kids have to do it first… Just seeing Facebook advertising, it isn’t necessarily the coolest thing,” Mr. Basch said. “So we mustered up a group of trend-setting influencers on campuses in major cities, and we’re getting them to post [about the Cocksman Club] at the same time.” These influencers, Mr. Basch said, are a “mix between athletes, fraternity guys, student government guys, [and] surf team guys in the West Coast.”

Surfers, frat dudes—just your average, everyday cocksmen. The kind of guys who are apparently too cool to buy in bulk or simply set up a “Subscribe & Save” order on Amazon and, in many cases, get their preferred brand for cheaper.

Anything that encourages safer sex is all to the good. But bless the heart of any young man who requires this BE-A-PLAYER pitch to see the wisdom of rubbers.