Oh, GREAT. The city of Savannah, Georgia is reporting that someone defaced a statue of Revolutionary War general Nathanael Greene, a man who risked life and limb so that your disrespectful ass can have the freedom to put googly eyes on his face 250 years later.
The City of Savannah is taking this matter with the utmost seriousness. They posted on Facebook on Thursday:
Who did this?! Someone placed googly eyes on our historic #NathanaelGreene statue in #JohnsonSquare. It may look funny but harming our historic monuments and public property is no laughing matter, in fact, it’s a crime.
We are hoping to find the person responsible! If you have information, please call Savannah Police Department
Hope this made some unpatriotic fiend happy because police plan to charge the culprit with defacing public property and trespassing. Police public information coordinator Bianca Johnson assured Buzzfeed News on Friday that the force is currently checking the surveillance cameras. It is unclear how the eyes were affixed and how they managed to stay on there in the open air because regular-strength stick-ons are not easy to attach to metal. I would not rule out gorilla glue or maybe chewing gum.
We are dealing with a sophisticated mind.
God save our republic.