The Worst Pickup Line You've Ever Heard

Illustration for article titled The Worst Pickup Line You've Ever Heard

What's the the worst, weirdest, most ridiculous pickup line you've ever heard? Tell us, and you could win tickets to an evening of sex exhibits and free drinks, or a sex guide to help dudes figure it all out.


Life is hard, and we know that guys and girls alike who approach others in a confident yet respectful fashion deserve to be commended. But there's a right way and a wrong way to try to get someone's number/companionship/bodily fluids/undying affection, and right now we're interested in the wrong way. We think you can beat that guy on the corner who yells "marry me" at all female passersby, or the dude in the bar who says "don't worry, you look hot tonight," as though we were worried. And if you do, you could win two tickets an evening at the Museum of Sex with free booze, awesome exhibits, and balloon animals (Planned Parenthood of NYC's Summer, Sex, and Spirits event, to be exact) — or, for the non-New-York-based, a DVD* explaining how to actually please a woman (hint: does not involve asking if she fell from Heaven). Of course, even those who don't bag these items will win the amusement of their peers — and the satisfaction of knowing that they've helped teach a generation of young men and women what not to do.

The rules:

1) This needs to be a line someone (male or female) really tried to use on you, not just a joke or Internet meme (we've all heard he one about rearranging the alphabet).
2) Extra points, obviously, if there's a good story involved.
3) Extra-extra points if the line worked.
4) A "line" doesn't have to be a single sentence. It can be a whole story, or pickup gambit.
5) Leave your entry in the comments or in an email to, subject line "Pickup Lines Contest." Remember, we'll need a way to contact you — either through your commenter account or email address — if you want to be considered for a prize.

Contest is one day only, closing tonight at midnight, people — now start running through our minds.

* Warning: this prize involves naked people.

Summer, Sex And Spirits 2010 [Planned Parenthood of New York City]
How Players Do It []

Image via GLUE STOCK/



While walking to the subway in the South Bronx, I received a startling lesson in the extent in children's gift of mimicry.

"Ay yo, slim!" someone called out. I turned, only because the voice sounded reedier than usual. To my horror & surprise, I discovered that the voice was indeed coming from a 4 year old boy.

"Yeah, shorty, can I holla atchu?" His lips curled & his hips gyrated as he spoke with all the swagger of a grown man. This was disturbing & befuddling, & clearly something he'd picked up while in the custody of his dad on the weekends. He was with his mother now, who, like myself, was rendered utterly speechless, & could only seem to shake her head in shock & mutter some semblance of an apology on behalf of her son & irresponsible baby daddy.

I wrinkled my brow in sympathy & went on my way, at which point the tiny lothario shouted at my back, "Bitch! You ain't all that. I didn't wanna talk to you anyway!"