The Relative Benefits of Marrying in the Nude

As a pre-Valentine’s Day teaser (or t0 fill the always gaping content maw), the New York Times did a reported culture piece on nudist weddings this week.

Maybe it’d be an awkward way to meet your new mother-in-law, but what the article stresses is that people do nudist weddings all kinds of ways, and that comfort is of the essence. Some boo clothing-optional clubs, others opt for spaces where the expectation of undress is understood. Sometime the couple doesn’t get fully naked, just most of the way there. The concern, as I see it, is where you fall on the issue of inviting kids, and raising kids in nudist colonies for that matter. One nudist camp ground cited in the article requires all guests to show a government issued photo ID so they can be screened through the national and state sex offender registries. 31,000 people are registered nudists in the United States, according to the Times’ report.

Anyway, here, as I see them, are the many benefits of the nudist nuptial.

1. great way to relieve pre-marriage jitters (like dream of being naked in your high school gym, only everyone is)

2. no bridesmaid dresses

3. if ever there were an excuse to exclude family members…. (NB for the comments section: I acknowledge the subjectivity of this position).

4. and exes

5. or anyone, really, who makes you feel uncomfortable or would have been invited out of solemn obligation

6. cut that cake in your birthday suit, cutie

7. save $$

8. go green

9. get banned from Instagram

Personally, I like to dress too much and get married too little for this particular strain of fun, but to each their own.