The Queen's Birthday Team Called, and Shaggy Was Available

Illustration for article titled The Queens Birthday Team Called, and Shaggy Was Available
Image: Associated Press

ShaggyShaggy of the old “butt naked bangin’ on the bathroom floor” tune–performed at the Queen’s 92nd birthday party and concert event last night. I googled this three times to make sure that, yes, this was the same Shaggy. He and Sting performed their new song “Don’t Make Me Wait,” which does not mention fucking, specifically.

The line-up, also including Tom Jones and Kylie Minogue, was designed to represent each decade of her life.

Ahem.


A hypothesis: America is sexually attracted to anyone who goes up against Donald Trump. Remember last summer when we briefly entertained the idea of banging James Comey? We were in a really bad place back then. A lot of things seem normal when you’re in a verbally abusive relationship with a shrieking leech wearing bologna for a face.

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Now United Talent Agency and William Morris Endeavor are reportedly meeting with Stormy Daniels’s lawyer Michael Avenatti to discuss talent opportunities.

Avenatti told NBC that is is “flattered,” but is okay for now:

I’m very flattered by the outpouring of support and compliments relating to my alleged talent, but at this point I’m far more focused and concerned about seeing this case through to completion and ensuring that justice is done then anything else.

Let’s regroup in a year.


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Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo

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DISCUSSION

thepriceofeggsinmalta
ThePriceofEggsinMalta

I really don’t understand why I see this “gosh, I don’t know what it is about Michael Avenatti that’s so attractive!” thing so often.

Really?

I mean, yeah, he’s making Trump uncomfortable as hell, and given that Trump has spent the last three years making anyone with human emotions insanely uncomfortable, of course that makes us all instantly sympathetic/friendly to Mr. Avenatti.

But even without that: he’s confident as hell, and that’s pretty much the single most important thing. I recently learned that he was briefly a racing driver (FIA endurance stuff, Porsche Supercup, a few other things). No idea if he won or not, but it says a lot just to have had the chance to get in the seat. And that kind of gets back to the confidence thing. Even if you (like I, prior to a couple of days ago) had no idea he was a racing driver, that’s one of those things that you just can’t do if you don’t have a certain level of innate self-confidence.

Beyond that, he’s not exactly unattractive. Really strong jawline, good facial symmetry, good proportions, etc. 

So anyway... yeah, folks. Stop wondering why you’re all attracted to the charismatic attractive racecar driving lawyer. I’m a straight dude, and I’m like “yeah, ok, he’s got some shit going on over there.”