The Price Of Cheap Thrills

Esquire has a series of pieces called “The Esquire Guide To Minor Transgressions” designed to determine when a little minor law-breaking is worth it. At least one of them isn’t.

I’m down with getting a little frisky when you might get caught, like Mary Louise Parker (and second her recommendation on the room with the ice machine); although The World According To Garp turned me off road head, I can see it from Mike Bender’s perspective; and at the point at which I have ever publicly urinated, yes, it is totally worth it as Ron Rentel says. But drunken operating a motorized vehicle like Colby Buzzel isn’t ever worth it, people, because the end result could well be the death of yourself or others, not merely a fine.

As a generally law-abiding (others might call me “boring”) person, most of my non-law-abiding behavior involves ignoring parking tickets (worth it so far), being drunk in public (always worth it), eating on the subway (worth it) and not running my mini-bottles of shampoo separately through the scanner at the airport (stupidest rule ever). What sort of illicit thrills am I missing out on that are worth breaking the law over? Because, I gotta admit, driving without headlights isn’t ringing my bell and I’m starting to look old enough that cops will think I should know better.

The Esquire Guide to Minor Transgressions [Esquire]
Why Having Sex in Public Is Worth It (Every Time) [Esquire]
Why Getting a Blowjob While Driving Is as Great as Advertised [Esquire]
Why Public Urination Is (Almost Always) Worth It [Esquire]
Why Drunk Scootering Is (Sorta) Worth It [Esquire]
Why Driving Without Headlights Is (Occasionally) Worth It [Esquire]