The President's Entire Rolodex Is Getting Together to Host a Concert to Convince More People to Get Vaccinated

Illustration for article titled The President's Entire Rolodex Is Getting Together to Host a Concert to Convince More People to Get Vaccinated
Image: Theo Wargo (Getty Images)

President Biden and Dr. Biden, Kamala Harris, the Sussexes, President Macron, Prime Minister Trudeau, and the Prime Minister of Croatia are all getting together for a little party known as Global Citizen’s VAX Live: The Concert to Reunite the World. Also in attendance at the show will be a handful of celebrities and performers singing songs that will make you want to bop your way over to a vaccination site and get the jab. At least that’s the goal of the evening. Another goal of the evening? Raising money! Because that’s what representatives of some of the world’s wealthiest nations do best, convince their citizens to cough over more money to fix a global health and economic crisis.

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The concert itself will be held in California and other than singing vax-themed tunes, celebrities and world leaders alike will be imploring philanthropists and corporations to donate money to get more people vaccinated across the globe. People reports, “The concert will also call on world leaders and governments to pledge $22.1 billion,” in an effort to get two billion vaccines and tests for “the world’s poorest countries” which we can only assume are led by people who were not invited to this concert in the first place. The irony that the United States, a country accused of hoarding vaccines, is hosting this event has clearly escaped everyone.

While a few billion is a steep amount of money, I truly can not believe that the combined powers several world leaders from affluent nations and seemingly every celebrity couldn’t have made a similar amount of money by passing a collection plate around their friends and family without jeopardizing the health of underpaid production workers who will be manning the concert. For Pete’s sake, they are asking philanthropists and businesses for money when they can just send a text to the leaders of those businesses. This is why Steve Jobs gave us phones, for this very purpose right here! But I wasn’t rich or powerful to get invited to this thing so what do I know?

DISCUSSION

snide-o-mite
Snide-O-Mite

1) Eradicate public and private financial corruption, fraud, abuse, etc. worldwide.

2) Everyone pays their fair share of taxes worldwide, including Paul Hewson!

3) Eradicate all monarchies by sending them into private life permanently.

4) Ban Bob Geldof from songwriting. Permanently.

There will never be a need for benefit concerts ever again!