The Old Taylor Can't Come to the Phone Right Now, She's An Animorph

CATS actor Taylor Swift is Rolling Stone’s latest cover star, and according to writer Brian Haitt, the story itself is a big boy—7,300 words long. That’s a big boy! I strongly suggest you read the Q&A in its entirety, if you are a fan of Taylor Swift or if you find her career or celebrity even marginally intriguing. I cannot recall a previous time where she has shared that much, that candidly.

She covers everything from feuding with Kanye, whom she doesn’t actually name (“I realized he is so two-faced. That he wants to be nice to me behind the scenes, but then he wants to look cool, get up in front of everyone and talk shit,”) and making up with Katy Perry (“We were talking about our signs because we had this really, really long talk when we were reconnecting and stuff… We’ve had some really good conversations,”) to her newly-transparent political beliefs (“We need to not have the right kind of Democrat and the wrong kind of Democrat. We need to just be like, ‘You’re a Democrat? Sick. Get in the car. We’re going to the mall’”). Most importantly, however, is that she is fast and loose with her metaphors, comparing herself and particular situations she has been in to a variety of barnyard animals and professions. Which begs the question: is she an Animorph?

Here is a short list of things Taylor Swift compares herself to:

A golden retriever
A fox
A person pulled under a riptide
A prized calf owned by Swift’s former label boss Scott Borchetta that “he was fattening up to sell to the slaughterhouse that would pay the most.”
A pilot
An archer (get it?)
Probably some other stuff I missed, but surprisingly not a cat.