"The Next Twilight" Attempts to Sexify Frankenstein's Monster

Dear People Who Keep Writing This Crap: This trend is dead, it’s dead! Dear god; it’s dead!

When SNL skewered Twilight by suggesting that a similarly melodramatic teen romance drama would look ridiculous if it starred Frankenstein’s monster rather than vampires, we all laughed. How hilarious, we thought, how ridiculous.

But no! We live in the post-ridiculous era, and of course some opportunistic author of teen lit has decided to try to make neckbolts sexy. Lisi Harrison, the writer behind The Clique and Alphas, has penned Monster High, and the first four chapters are available to read online. According to Oh No, They Didn’t! the scintillating plot can be partially summarized thusly-

The monster community has kept a low profile at the local high school, but when two new girls enroll, the town will never be the same. Stitched together just fifteen days ago, by…you guessed it…the son of Frankenstein himself, Frankie Stein is psyched to trade her father’s funky-smelling basement lab for pep rallies and prom.

My god, it’s like someone went through a graveyard of shitty teen lit and took parts from a bunch of different books and sewed them together into something terrifying, monstrous.