That collection of hairs hanging above your eyes? They look stupid. Wow, you look dumb. Luckily for you, Benefit Cosmetics is here with a BRAND NEW EYEBROW TREND so you can finally stop looking so goddamn ridiculous.
Nylon Magazine and Benefit have introduced Bling Brow, a partnership with Swarovski that tries to convince women to glue crystals to their eyebrows because beauty. For $25 you can purchase a box of tiny crystals with the intention of voluntarily looking like this:
The informative promotional video gives you step by step directions on how to glue crystals UNDER your eyebrows, how to glue crystals ON your eyebrows and how to glue crystals directly ABOVE your eyebrows in case you want to mix it up when choosing to look like you're trying too hard.
The problem here is twofold: One, this is obviously a pretty dumb look. Two, the over-the-eyebrow option looks like a second-rate version of jeweled bindis. So not only will people be staring at you—and not in the good way—there's a little cultural appropriation thrown in to keep things fresh.
If I see any otherwise sensible women gluing crystals into their eyebrows I will be forced to yell them, "Girl, why the fuck did you glue crystals onto your eyebrows?" because WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS LIKE THIS IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.
I didn't think anything could make me long for the days of the eyebrow merkin, and yet.