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The New Beyoncé Album Just Got All These People Pregnant

Illustration for article titled The New Beyoncé Album Just Got All These People Pregnant

Somewhere between the pussy-eating sex jam "Blow" and feminist author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's cameo on Flawless, I thought to myself, "Holy shit, this new Beyoncé album is getting me pregnant." I took to Twitter to express this, only to discover that the new Beyoncé album is apparently getting a lot of people pregnant.


Okay, so science caveat: there's no evidence that Beyoncé singing the words "turn that cherry out" or her video to "Rocket" can actually cause an egg to be released from an ovary, nor can it lead to the introduction of sperm to the female anatomy. "Partition" isn't proven to allow those without female reproductive organs to be suddenly capable of successfully gestating a fetus, and "Drunk on Love" won't make sperm magically appear.

But then again, Beyoncé's eponymous new album is fearlessly, graphically, unapologetically sexual. And if we know anything about Beyoncé, it's that she's pretty good at accomplishing stuff to the point that it sort of seems that she might be a little magical? I don't know, guys. All I'm saying is that in 9 months a lot of us might have babies.


Congratulations to all you newly expectant Beyoncé-mothers out there.

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People need to slow their roll. This national Beyonce obsession is getting out of control.