
This seasonâs Bachelorette contestant bios are out and my god, where do they find these people?
When Season 12 of The Bachelorette premieres on May 23, JoJo Fletcher will have her pick of an astoundingly mediocre litter. I know this because I spent a full hour reading through the questionnaires ABC released today, in which one of our 28 contestants described his body as a Lamborghini (âlamboâ) two times and another estimated his height at 6'2 and a half.
We have several members of the armed forces, one âerectile dysfunction expert,â one âhipster,â one âBachelor superfan,â and someone named James Taylor whose job description is âsinger-songwriter.â We have a man who answered âMyself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright,â to three consecutive questions. We have many, many pounds of hair gel.
A small sample of whatâs to come:
Whatâs the most outrageous thing youâve ever done?
âRipped the door off a totaled, burning car and pulled the unconscious driver out to safety.â
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âEvaded police in Mexico on an ATV.â
âLeft the safety of chiropractic to pursue my fitness and acting dreams.â
What are your three best attributes?
âHumble, creative, athleticâ
âHonesty, experienced, friendlyâ
âMotivated, handsome, genuineâ
âSense of humor, calm demeanor, and my hairâ
âMy drive/desire to succeed, ability to make strangers feel welcome at my place of work, positive attitudeâ
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All-time favorite movies:
âGladiatorâ (6 people answered this)
âDumb and Dumberâ (4 people answered this)
âBraveheartâ (3 people answered this)
âI donât have faves, but one top recent movie was The Revenant.â
What are your deal-breakers when it comes to relationships?
âGirls with chipped nail polish, girls who talk too much, narcissists, clingers, girls who have serious food allergies.â
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What is your all-time favorite book and why?
âDavid and Goliath, by Malcolm Gladwell, because of how he sees challenges, advantages and disadvantages.â
âBesides the Bible (since that seems clichĂŠ!), I liked The Circle series by Ted Dekker, or Wizardâs First Rule. Both create such vivid battle scenes you can almost smell the environment.â
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What are the top 3 things on your bucket list?
â1) Build a relationship with Mark Cuban and earn his respect. 2) Take a trip to space to experience the process and snap some epic selfies! 3) Spoil my grandchildren.â
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
âYes, hopeless. I see love everywhere. I want to experience someone from the inside out. I want The Notebook-type of experience.â
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âYes, I believe Iâm in touch with my sexual energy and itâs very powerful and beautiful.â
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why?
âMark Cuban, because I want to know what he thinks made him successful.â
âMyself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.â
Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public?
âVery comfortable. Why have a lambo if you park it in the garage?â
Image via ABC.