Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

The Marketing For The Mountain Between Us Has Gotten Really Thirsty And Confusing

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The trailer for The Mountain Between Us makes it seem like a dramatic, life-or-death wilderness battle with serious consequences that may or may not end with Kate Winslet and Idris Elba fucking. But the subsequent marketing has gone from dramatic romance tropes to romantic comedy fun to foot-fetish references (nothing wrong with that!).

The film is trying its best to remove all potential audience hesitancy about seeing Winslet and Elba struggle to survive. For instance, if you’re worried about that dog who lived through a plane crash, don’t be: he lives.

Is having to see your boyfriend, Idris Elba, with the woman who stole your other boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio, too upsetting? They are encouraging you to Photoshop her out of the movie completely. Here are some tweets posted and RTd by The Mountain Between Us’s Twitter account:

There’s also now an app called “The Voice Between Us” which is Idris Elba’s voice, and he murmurs aspirational quotes for you to jack it fall asleep to.

Are you not turned on enough by Idris Elba? That...seems impossible, but just in case, every interview and promotion is focusing on the fact that he is one of the sexiest men alive who also enjoys sex himself:

Spoiler: it’s feet.

And here he is straight up reading the pornographic fan fiction out loud:

Reviews of the film are bleaker than being snowbound on a desolate mountainside with a pet.

The New York Times calls the movie a “monumental dud” and says watching Elba trudge through it is “physically painful,” but at least they spoil the ending for you:

As the pair traipse to safety, artifice rules: A cougar is dispatched with shameless ease; an abandoned cabin manifests just in time to save a life and — almost three weeks into their ordeal — allow the couple to enjoy what is almost certainly malodorous sex. I half expected them to discover the fixings for a full English breakfast.

So, they do have sex. That’s really all I needed to know.