The Kardashians' Elaborate Aspen Vacation House Is Trying to Sell Me Something I Can't Afford

Illustration for article titled The Kardashians' Elaborate Aspen Vacation House Is Trying to Sell Me Something I Can't Afford
Screenshot: Instagram

Kylie, Kris, and Kendall are on vacation in Aspen. It’s a customary pilgrimage for the rich, who travel to one of a handful of upper-class holy grounds each turn of the season, the wintery Colorado haven being one of them. Blustering reports out of TMZ claim their particular abode this New Year’s—called 1001 Aspen by whatever venture capitalists erected it—costs a whopping $450,000 a month, which sounds absurd, and totally believable.

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The home is, coincidentally, on the rental market currently, and its suite of luxuries are now splayed across the tabloids, including TMZ, the premiere direct-to-Kardashian pipeline. Something’s up with this vacation, and I don’t like it!

The megaplex, as told by its Christie’s-official listing, boasts seven bedrooms, seven full bathrooms, two half bathrooms, and was built in 2020. Inside, the list of amenities includes a pool, a sauna, a spa, an elevator, a four-car garage, and a private ski-in and ski-out. TMZ also reports that it is currently for sale at $75 million, but they don’t just list houses this expensive on the regular, poor-people internet—interested parties must “inquire within”—so I couldn’t confirm this fact for myself.

Pictures of the Kardashians’ vacation, meanwhile, are dizzying. Maybe it’s because their personal photo editor didn’t nail the green screen as well as they usually do:

From the looks of it, the pool is also indoors, because of course it is:

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For all the glorious indoor shots, click here. I spy, among other things: Cheap throw pillows, a “living plant wall,” a floor to ceiling panoramic window that is more square footage than my entire apartment, and a chandelier that looks designed to impale you. No wonder they’re having such a good, Instagrammable time!

I mean, in this time of snow and death and disillusionment, a relaxing winter getaway sounds ideal. Hit the slopes, smoke out the elevator, go for a late-night indoor swim. Besides, if I was a digital marketer with a $450,000 a month mega-mansion to rent, I would probably bring the Kardashians in to party and vibe for a weekend. But that’s just me, of course. I’m not a digital marketer, so the people in charge of peddling this waste of land space probably have their own ideas about a rental strategy, which may or may not include a famous cabal of Instagram influencers.

DISCUSSION

reader7890
Reader7890

Something wrong with her neck?

/s